Validate me!

[athelstanent]

From my first LJ post, June 19, 2003

"Once I get the hang of this expect to hear all about my triumphs, defeats and feelings."

Well I guess it is ok to talk about the not so good things in my life.

My therapy sessions are going well. I found out something interesting last night. I've been doing the right things to get rid of the demons inside of me that bring me down. It turns out I have more than I thought. My therapist is working on the idea that I was traumatized as a kid. I was neglected. I never went hungry, I was never physically abused, and I never had "bad parents" (turns out they were not great either.) So I was traumatized as a kid and I need to address the traumas so I can nurture my younger selves. This is standard therapy and has helped many people. I've therapied myself many times addressing many of the issues that I did not like as a child. A good example would be my parents divorce. I can remember that it happened, but I don't relive the emotional trauma every time I do. What kind of scares me is the huge number of crappy episodes I still hang on to. All of the neglect and shame forms a group of voices at my core. Those voices tell me I'm worthless. I always figured that I would take care of all of them at once. Turns out I need to fight them one at a time.

Comments

Memories and trauma

[ghostbehr.livejournal.com]

Sadly humans tend to recall crappy memories more than happy ones because pain tends to stick in our mind and act as a warning of things not to repeat. I think life would be a lot easier if we would remember the happy times in life and focus on the things that have given us pleasure rather than the things that have caused us such pain and misery. Sadly pain and misery seem to be the things that we remember the most.

I am very glad that you are getting the time and the help that you need to work through your inner demons. It would be nice if you could slay them quickly aind efficiently, but thats never the case. Erradicating ones personal demons is a slow and painful process, however once you have exposed and excised them, you will feel considerably better that you do now. Just pick one you want to get rid of and work on it, then move on to the next and then the one after that. Together they look like some huge invincible enemy, tackled alone they are much easier to root out and dispose of.

Anyhow, just remember that there are many folks out here who know and respect you for the man that you are. I for one have never thought of you as anything but a great friend and a outstanding person.

Re: Memories and trauma

[athelstan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I take this to mean you got me email I sent you. Your right I have more people than I realize that want to help me out. That's going to be a hard lession to learn. Part of my trauma was being ignored, so it's very hard to accept help, and harder to ask. It's like I told my theripist "If I didn't pay you I wouldn't be doing this."