Concrete Sadist
Feb. 13th, 2024 10:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
athelstanentBalls. I do not know if I am a sadist. I do know that I crave attention and was largely given negative attention growing up. I'm also very concrete in thinking.
Nothing like two little comments by my therapist at a time I was looping.
Like what would it be like to have people to talk to and do things with... it's hard to let go and try again for these things.
Like with all things it's not people to talk to or do things with.... it's finding my voice and allowing myself to enjoy things. Fuck knows I do not need to start a talk with someone to only then go from zero to WTF because no one would take my screams and saying no growing up as real. Yeah I know it's a plush animal and if I scream like I'm being hurt when my teddy was hurt over and over again maybe talk to me about it and not just talk to the others in the room saying "Well he'll need to get over it eventually". I did. I hate myself. No one can explain to me why I should care about myself. I have to choose it apparently.
Nothing like two little comments by my therapist at a time I was looping.
Like what would it be like to have people to talk to and do things with... it's hard to let go and try again for these things.
Like with all things it's not people to talk to or do things with.... it's finding my voice and allowing myself to enjoy things. Fuck knows I do not need to start a talk with someone to only then go from zero to WTF because no one would take my screams and saying no growing up as real. Yeah I know it's a plush animal and if I scream like I'm being hurt when my teddy was hurt over and over again maybe talk to me about it and not just talk to the others in the room saying "Well he'll need to get over it eventually". I did. I hate myself. No one can explain to me why I should care about myself. I have to choose it apparently.
