athelstanent: (BagerBalm)
[personal profile] athelstanent
After a month I went back to therapy to tell my therapist I did not want to continue therapy. We talked for 40 minutes. He talked about what he saw I had to work on and how my anxiety stopped me from really working on it. I ripped out with how much anxiety therapy itself caused and the projection I pushed on to him from helping me with the hard work. Much like cursing the name of a coach who pushes you hard. When I realized the conversation would have no end, I ended it by saying this was pointless and walking out the door. No animosity, but no pats on the back either.

What came up was the fact that I still have an authority problem in my head. My other big issue is that I still don't know who I want to be... because every time I see how I want to be I get angry with myself. I am not worthy... yeah I know that's BS, but the emotions are real. I'll work on these issues myself and then see if I need help of a professional when the time comes.

Date: 2010-02-10 03:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com
This is one big sideways move for me.

Date: 2010-02-10 03:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bbearseviltwin.livejournal.com
"My other big issue is that I still don't know who I want to be"
I have never figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm 56.

Date: 2010-02-10 03:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com
Well I would be happy to not worry about being something great and just enjoying who I am.

Date: 2010-02-10 03:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bbearseviltwin.livejournal.com
Not to be to facetious or cliche but no one except a megalomaniac is ever free from self doubts. The best most of us can hope for is to slap the little ass holes around enough that they cower in the corner of our minds and not annoy us to much with their whimpering

Date: 2010-02-10 03:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com
Exactly, but I used to be the one in the corner of my mind whimpering. It's an interesting inversion.

Interesting

Date: 2010-02-10 04:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cyk9.livejournal.com
I was in therapy from age 4 - 17 But for different reasons. I am sure you will work out your issues in due time or I hope you will.

All the best!

Date: 2010-02-23 12:07 pm (UTC)
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