Feb. 9th, 2010

athelstanent: (BagerBalm)
After a month I went back to therapy to tell my therapist I did not want to continue therapy. We talked for 40 minutes. He talked about what he saw I had to work on and how my anxiety stopped me from really working on it. I ripped out with how much anxiety therapy itself caused and the projection I pushed on to him from helping me with the hard work. Much like cursing the name of a coach who pushes you hard. When I realized the conversation would have no end, I ended it by saying this was pointless and walking out the door. No animosity, but no pats on the back either.

What came up was the fact that I still have an authority problem in my head. My other big issue is that I still don't know who I want to be... because every time I see how I want to be I get angry with myself. I am not worthy... yeah I know that's BS, but the emotions are real. I'll work on these issues myself and then see if I need help of a professional when the time comes.

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athelstanent

June 2011

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