I will not operate on Shame

[athelstanent]

I will not operate on shame. When I asked for tautologies yesterday I never told anyone, or even myself, what basis I use for living. At my core I really believe that I am a bad person who is worthy of nothing because of who I am. Now, one can not survive on that alone (in fact distracting myself with a LJ post is a way of coping.) I even know that it's an invalid basis for living life. So I have many ways of dealing with a flawed epistemology. Many of those ways have allowed me to really enjoy myself and the company of others. The problem is that when it's all done I'll doubt my experiences. Was it real? Was it valid? The shame flows in and cripples me. At this point I'm working on removing this. I still don't know what to put in its place. I want to realize that the feeling I have are valid and worthy of treasuring.