I did it...

[athelstanent]

Today I tired myself out emotionally with work. Going to the gym and sorting things about dinner I lashed out. I didn't realize how ill both my housemates were. I was out of emotional regulation and asking them to sort pizza seemed reasonable until they expressed they could not... I on some level was relying on others to aid me. It did not happen. I lashed out that I would sort it then as I walked out to go to the gym. I then apologized and they understood. I sat with my emotions they went negative and bumped into those around me negatively. This is what I never wanted to have happen; so I could never be me. I'm okay after being what I could never be.

Today I've been me.

So I've been me all day. Hell bonus - I ordered the next size down for my normal cigar. I am enjoying it. Old me would only have the biggest and always be on and ready to be performative with it.... I really want a good cigar. Smoking is bad... so... Yeah. I smoke cigars. I smoke... another thing I could never be because I hated my parents for inflicting their smoking on me.

Yeah childhood me.... you didn't get every thing correct on the first go. Let it go with me and let's go figure out how to play and play with others.