Burn out and filling in the -1/12 gap

Putting in effort - hit my limit. I'll do better next time. I'm filling in the -1/12 integrating myself into a full person. Fuck. Not like I got people to talk with this about outside of my therapist. Never be a burden to anyone. Never had a problem. Only do and spend. No joy or happy! No one gave me permission. If I give myself permission I might make a mistake! Can't have that. I shouldn't learn. I should know.

Fuck, as natural and easy and truthy it feels to say the above. It's rubbish. I'm needing touch, got abuse, I keep going back to the wire mother hoping to get what I need.

I'm grey lumping the universe rather than face the fear of making new social bonds because I need them... not because I need them for a parasocial relationship to the world.

"I will not compare myself to others" is my homework. Fine. Then what? WHAT?

The answer to this is the hallow center where "Me" is missing needs to be filled in.