They won

I've stopped going to therapy for a while. It's really simple; it was too hard to deal with the demons. Dealing with my childhood and with my past hurts me so bad. I ran out of will. Self esteem, determination, will are all things that no one can give you. It's something that you must find in yourself. Well I've ran out. It's taking all that I've got to keep work going well.

My other half cries out as I type this. It says that I can't just give up. I wonder where this will is coming from as it seems to not been able to quell the voices telling me to give up. Damn, just how can one take a year off and deal with things? I need to find myself and what I worry about is that I'll not like what I find. Sure there will be the geeky side of me. That's something I'm proud of, but all of the rest... why can't I see that the bad parts of me are so mild and so tame in there force that I'm not a bad person. Why can't I see that the small daily improvements I have at work could be made as I work on myself.

More importantly why don't I believe those whom I trust the most that they do care about me?