athelstanent: (Knight)
BurleyBoar ([personal profile] athelstanent) wrote2006-03-21 08:20 am

Validate me!

From my first LJ post, June 19, 2003

"Once I get the hang of this expect to hear all about my triumphs, defeats and feelings."

Well I guess it is ok to talk about the not so good things in my life.

My therapy sessions are going well. I found out something interesting last night. I've been doing the right things to get rid of the demons inside of me that bring me down. It turns out I have more than I thought. My therapist is working on the idea that I was traumatized as a kid. I was neglected. I never went hungry, I was never physically abused, and I never had "bad parents" (turns out they were not great either.) So I was traumatized as a kid and I need to address the traumas so I can nurture my younger selves. This is standard therapy and has helped many people. I've therapied myself many times addressing many of the issues that I did not like as a child. A good example would be my parents divorce. I can remember that it happened, but I don't relive the emotional trauma every time I do. What kind of scares me is the huge number of crappy episodes I still hang on to. All of the neglect and shame forms a group of voices at my core. Those voices tell me I'm worthless. I always figured that I would take care of all of them at once. Turns out I need to fight them one at a time.

Re: Memories and trauma

[identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com 2006-03-21 08:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you. I take this to mean you got me email I sent you. Your right I have more people than I realize that want to help me out. That's going to be a hard lession to learn. Part of my trauma was being ignored, so it's very hard to accept help, and harder to ask. It's like I told my theripist "If I didn't pay you I wouldn't be doing this."