BurleyBoar (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
athelstanent) wrote2024-06-23 12:14 pm
athelstanent) wrote2024-06-23 12:14 pm
Entertainment...
So entertainment is about enjoying something for yourself and then possibly talking about it with others...
Yesterday I had a moment to talk with some good friends and lay out my anxiety and stress. I'm drained and feel unburdened. Now what?
Well all my things are packed away for a remodel.
I chase feelings caused by my actions?
Me? Someone at 48 who realizes now that I can make and arrange my spaces any way I want and that I can make things, create things, appreciate things.... It's too much. I have to accept I have limits and preferences.
Well back to micro cries and trying to sort that it is not morally negative to be around other people and interact with them to change my emotional mood....
I really thought everyone really wanted to be alone and dependent on as few people as possible. I thought I had to make my own little inner world and be so alone. Now I could of been rough housing, making things, and interacting with others in neutral and positive ways
When will my morality mature to understand that those who hurt me were using neutral things in negative ways and now I bind myself to never do those things they did and cripple mhyself for it?
Horrible people have positive ideas. Horrible people enjoy things. The things they enjoy are not tainted by others who do the same thing.
I am not morally negative for enjoying what I enjoy... now to let myself enjoy what I enjoy after pending a life of pushing it out the wrong way.
Well this journal is not helping me get up or sort what to do. It's easier to whinge than to do anything. I would rather spend my energy convincing myself and others that I should give up and do nothing. As they say, I should not make my personality be all about the things I was told and shown growing up. I'm mentally moving ana and kata while respecting the -1/12 boundary for infinity.
Yesterday I had a moment to talk with some good friends and lay out my anxiety and stress. I'm drained and feel unburdened. Now what?
Well all my things are packed away for a remodel.
I chase feelings caused by my actions?
Me? Someone at 48 who realizes now that I can make and arrange my spaces any way I want and that I can make things, create things, appreciate things.... It's too much. I have to accept I have limits and preferences.
Well back to micro cries and trying to sort that it is not morally negative to be around other people and interact with them to change my emotional mood....
I really thought everyone really wanted to be alone and dependent on as few people as possible. I thought I had to make my own little inner world and be so alone. Now I could of been rough housing, making things, and interacting with others in neutral and positive ways
When will my morality mature to understand that those who hurt me were using neutral things in negative ways and now I bind myself to never do those things they did and cripple mhyself for it?
Horrible people have positive ideas. Horrible people enjoy things. The things they enjoy are not tainted by others who do the same thing.
I am not morally negative for enjoying what I enjoy... now to let myself enjoy what I enjoy after pending a life of pushing it out the wrong way.
Well this journal is not helping me get up or sort what to do. It's easier to whinge than to do anything. I would rather spend my energy convincing myself and others that I should give up and do nothing. As they say, I should not make my personality be all about the things I was told and shown growing up. I'm mentally moving ana and kata while respecting the -1/12 boundary for infinity.