athelstanent: (Lightcyle)
[personal profile] athelstanent
So my new room mate and I worked tonight on removing the old shower. That went very well, but during this I decided with some trepidation/rebellion to put on some old mod/s3m/it/xm music. The second song in I mention "Hey if you don't like this just let me know." He looks at me and with an odd shrug "I don't care. It's not my music." Later on I mention how confused I was about this. That I should not of imposed my music on hum. He mentioned that it was my space and my tunes, he was imposing on me. For all the strides I made in ego and self-esteem this is a glaring gap.

Still processing this and how to come to a new understanding about this all.

Update: So three people said the same thing to me. This was a good interaction with nothing odd happening. Hmm, I guess my angst was in the fact that I could choose what I wanted to listen to, I wasn't chastised for it, and I can just listen to what I want. I can do what I want because I want to. Sometimes that just freaks me out. I have no one or nothing to appease. Left to myself to do what I want, I sometimes just panic. That's what I need to work on.

Date: 2010-06-11 04:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bbearseviltwin.livejournal.com
From what I can tell you both behaved properly and politely. You offered him a chance to change the music to his tastes and he defured to you. Not knowing either of your mental and emotional states I can't see anything other than that.

Date: 2010-06-11 04:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com
Nope that's what it was, but I did update the post to explain why I freaked out.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-06-11 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com
I think there is something wrong with my ego. Nothing that I can not fix. I did update my post to explain things better.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-06-11 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelstan.livejournal.com
Quit over analyzing it? *sighs* That's part of it as well.

Date: 2010-06-11 10:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bbearseviltwin.livejournal.com
"I guess my angst was in the fact that I could choose what I wanted to listen to, I wasn't chastised for it, and I can just listen to what I want. I can do what I want because I want to. Sometimes that just freaks me out. I have no one or nothing to appease. Left to myself to do what I want, I sometimes just panic."
That is something I can relate to. After over 20 years I still feel like I have to justify doing what ever I do to people most of whom have been dead for many years. I can still hear them questioning what I do even after all this time.
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